By now, everyone knows that Robin Williams committed suicide. I've seen plenty of coverage on the different things we need to take away from this terrible loss, some very great, but there is one thing in particular that I feel everyone needs to take away from this: depression can happen to ANYONE. It does not care if you're a man or woman, if you're successful or jobless, if you're married with children a single parent or all-around single. It does not care. It can still slip into every fiber of your being and make itself at home.

Chances are, somebody that you know or maybe even are very close to suffers from depression. Maybe you're aware of it, or maybe it's something that you would never imagine, but I can almost guarantee that you know somebody with depression. Being depressed doesn't mean you have a literal dark cloud following you around. People with depression can still have fun, smile, laugh, make jokes, whatever. But somewhere in the back of their mind is that looming darkness. Unfortunately, for some people, that darkness takes over and they can't escape it. For some people, like Robin Williams, they feel death is the only way they can ever find peace.

To an outsider, it may seem so simple. You may think, go to the doctor and get antidepressants, go to church, go to a therapist. But for some, it's really not that easy. With the current stigma on mental illnesses such as depression, bipolar disorder, and so on many people feel embarrassed to ask for help. They wonder, "why can't I be happy? I have so much to be happy about. I have a beautiful family and friends and a wonderful job..." but for some reason they are still miserable. Instead of trying to help, society still just makes people with mental illness believe that there is something wrong with having a mental illness. Like it's something gross. Or worse, nonexistent. There's not a single thing wrong with it.

If you're depressed, if you have bipolar disorder, or anxiety, or anything, and no one has ever told you that's okay, then hear me. It's okay. It's OKAY. You may have to take a pill, or go see a therapist or maybe even go to a hospital for a while. That's OKAY. Don't EVER let anyone make you feel like there's something wrong with you. You are not alone. If you feel like you have no one to turn to, turn to us here at Stay Alive. Please know our comments are always open. We aren't professionals, but we're good listeners.

If you think someone you may know is fighting a mental illness, reach out. If someone seems down, or especially if they're showing any signs of possibly being suicidal, reach out. You have no idea what difference just talking could make to someone. It could literally be the difference between life and death. And please, if you believe someone is suicidal and may be attempting to go through with it, take action. Contact a family member that may be with them, if you think they're alone, contact the authorities to go to them.

If you've lost someone you love to suicide, I am so sorry. I can't even begin to comprehend how it must feel. I hope you always know it's not your fault. I hope you know the one you lost loved you very much. I also hope you know that your loved one didn't take their life out of selfishness. They didn't forget or stop caring about you. It was just one more symptom of the terrible disease that is depression. The idea of it being a selfish act is one of the many reasons we need to lift the stigma from mental illness, so people can get help (or more help) before it's too late. Finally, I hope you find peace.

Please reference the important hotlines tab on this site for phone numbers or go to http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org .

Love,

Lindsey

*edited to fix some typos. I'm on mobile and probably still missed some, so I apologize!

    Take a moment to sit back and think about yourself. I'm sure you have favorite foods, movies, music as well as least favorites of the same. I bet there are days you wish you could change things about yourself. Maybe you're stressed over money. Maybe you're happy because you were able to pay all of your bills this month.
   
    Now, take a moment and think about me. I have favorite foods, movies, and music and least favorites, as well. I sometimes wish I could change a few things about myself. I get stressed over money and feel relief when we have more left over than usual.
   
    We're pretty much the same, so why did I just ask you to compare yourself to me? That was pointless, right? Well, not quite. The difference between myself and most of my readers is that I'm a parent. And maybe you're a parent, too, which makes us even less different. But that's exactly the point of me writing this today. Parents are the same as their children. They're humans, too.  (And let me note that I know not everyone has good parents or their parents aren't around. This really applies to any parental figure you had/have.)

    Mother's Day is coming up this weekend and Father's Day is coming up close behind next month. Because of that, I thought now was the perfect opportunity to bring up this subject that's been on my mind for ages (two years in August, actually, if you want to get technical.) Again, parents are humans, too. I was a teenager not that long ago, so I remember that "Ugh, parents!" feeling (Sorry, Momma and Daddy), but as I look back, I understand it a lot more. My parents have had the same thoughts I've had and my daughter will, too.  It's a difficult concept to grasp, really. We spend so long seeing our parents as these beings that care for you, protecting you, or maybe even doing the opposite of that, but they don't really do much else in our minds. But that is so wrong.

    I see myself fighting battles my parents already did (three times) and it gives me a new found respect for them.  As my daughter was in the hospital and I was scared for her life, I understood how it felt for my older sister to be born early. When she refuses to eat anything I cook for dinner, I understand the frustration of raising me as a picky eater. When she starts trying to climb up stairs or a table, I feel that anxiety of watching my younger sister climb.

    But I know most of my readers aren't parents, so maybe this still seems pointless, but it goes beyond so much more than the trials of parenthood. It's about personal feelings, thoughts that keep you up at night, and even mental illnesses.  

    Let's try another imagining exercise. Your friend has been acting really weird lately. Maybe he's been moody, not wanting to hang out with you. He spends a lot of time in bed, not even sleeping, just laying there. He starts saying things that make you worry he may be thinking of harming himself or worse. What do you do? Do you try being there for him or cheering him up? Or do you get annoyed that he's too caught up in himself to pay attention to you? Unfortunately, I've seen the latter in reference to someone's parent.
    Now turn the tables, what if you were the one feeling like the hypothetical friend before? Your friends care, but maybe have a hard time showing you, but you know they do. They try to do what they think helps, even if it isn't what you want/need. Maybe they're sending you links to songs they use to cheer themselves up when you'd rather just have a deep conversation.
Regardless of what it is, it just doesn't help, but it helps a little that they're trying. Now, how do you think your parents feel about it? Do they think you're a screw up and can't stand to look at you because you're dealing with depression/some other mental illness? Or maybe they just don't care at all? They haven't noticed something's even wrong? That's absolutely not true. They care just as much, if not more, than your friends. We're just stuck feeling like parents are on some different level of existence than us when they're actually right there with us.

    This has become incredibly long, much longer than I anticipated, so I will try wrapping it up.  The main point I'm trying to share here is that we're all just humans. We all are trying to live this thing called life. Try thinking of your parents the way you would your friend. If you wouldn't feel a certain way or say certain things about something your friend is going through, don't do it for your parents*.

Stay Alive,
Lindsey

*Again, I want to emphasize that not everyone has a (good) parental figure like that. But if a grandparent, aunt, sibling, random stranger on the street raised you, this all still applies. Just re-read with the new word replacing "parent."

Sitting on social networking websites lately, I've come to the conclusion that we're facing a pretty major issue. I'm not talking about the rants of religion, gun control, etc. No, this problem is much simpler to solve, yet no one seems to notice. I'm talking about happiness, or rather, people complaining about their lack of happiness. Usually, in the situations that I see, the unhappiness is due to having no significant other or having one that isn't living up to one's expectations. What these people fail to realize is that their unhappiness is directly related to the fact that they're expecting someone else to make them happy.

As you readers may or may not know, I am married and have been for nearly four years. My husband makes me happy, yes, and I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon, but I don't rely on him as my sole source of happiness. If something happened and we had to part ways? I think I'd survive. In fact, I know I would.

This isn't just about relationships, though. It's about finding things in you that can make you happy. Maybe it's how much you love reading, or watching movies, or cooking. There is something other than another person that makes you happy. For me, personally, I enjoy reading, writing, sitting around listening to music, watching movies and television. I enjoy my own company. Though it may not be true all days, I often am perfectly content spending a day to myself. Even when I have a very grumpy toddler stressing me out (which, let's face it, is more often than before as we get closer to those terrible twos), I'm able to take myself away from that stress and just be happy.

Relying on another person/people for your happiness gives those someones all the power. You give them the power to basically make or break you. Who would want to be in that situation?

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that you have to find it in yourself to at least try to be independently happy if you want happiness. Anyone who comes after is just bonus happiness.*


Stay Alive,
Lindsey


*Note: I understand there are mental illnesses such as depression that affect happiness levels. Everything I mention in this post is meant to be taken as outside of those. If this note doesn't make sense, please feel free to ask questions in the comments.

Within the past five or so months, there have been three major shootings nationwide. That's a lot of violence (of just one kind) in a short amount of time, which makes me feel the need to write this blog today. I'm not here to talk about political or religious opinions, I promise, so just keep reading.

All of these tragic incidents were preventable. I don't mean that if guns weren't available, they wouldn't have been able to shoot people. And I don't mean that if these people, had God, they wouldn't have been filled with whatever hatred possessed them to do this. No, the real problem that the shooters didn't address was the fact that they needed professional help. They were sick, whether they were diagnosed or not—I don't know the personal information on any of the shooters, nor do I care to know. I just know that anyone willing to kill innocent people (even children!) are sick. But instead of seeking the help they needed, they decided to take that pain out on others who in no way deserved it.

So the point of this blog is this: if you're suffering and want to hurt yourself or others, please seek help. Don't let it sit inside of you until you feel killing others (or yourself) is the only option left, because it's not and it never will be. You are not alone. There are plenty of people you can contact.


Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696 Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433


For more phone numbers, check out the Important Hotlines tab.


Stay Alive,

Lindsey

Do what you think is right, even when others are telling you you're wrong. (Note: I feel like that's a quote I've read somewhere, but can't find it. So if it is a quote, I apologize for the lack of credit. Continue on, now.) That seems like a simple concept, doesn't it? But in a society obsessed with fitting in, is it, really?

I've written before about trusting your gut, but today, I'm going to elaborate more on standing by your gut when your feelings are questioned.

Recently, I have been told my gut is wrong. I have been told I thought I was better than someone else. Why? Because my gut feeling on a certain situation was confirmed and I stood by it instead of just agreeing with everyone else. And you know what? I will not back down on how I feel just because someone else disagrees with me. Wanna know why? Because standing by my gut instinct (and therefore, myself) is more important than “fitting in.” Doing so doesn't mean I don't care about the friends who told me I was wrong; it doesn't mean I'm trying to just fight. It just means I value what I think is right. And that's okay.

Now, this belief can be applied to many situations. Whether it's regarding your political beliefs to your opinion of a person or even just whether or not you should give in to peer pressure, always do what you feel is right inside. If you can't stand beside yourself, who else would? As I said in my other post about guts, your gut is always right. Be sure to listen.


Stay Alive,

Lindsey

Now, I know the title of this may seem a little confusing after emphasizing the importance of positivity in my last post, but believe me when I say there is a huge difference between letting yourself be upset and drowning in negativity.

I often see people struggling to stay strong during an emotional period, whether it be as minor as a bad day or as major as the death of a loved one. While there are times where you need to stay strong (say, to support another family member during a loss, or to do well at your job), you also need to allow yourself to feel those emotions. Grieve. Vent. Whatever, just don't keep those emotions bottled up.

If you don't give yourself the chance to go through all of the emotions inside of you, they're just going to fester. And they're going to keep building up and up and up until you just explode. If it gets to that point, you could hurt yourself, you could hurt relationships—it's just bad. All around bad.

No matter the situation, you don't always have to put a brave face on. Let yourself be angry. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be annoyed. Let yourself feel! We were born with emotion for a reason. Don't block them out for fear of being judged.



The bottom line? It's okay to be upset!




Stay Alive,

Lindsey

If you all recall, I once wrote a blog about looking at the bright side of things. While that is a wonderful thing to do when things are tough, it goes so beyond that to having a happy (or, happier) lifestyle. You can't rely on looking for that tidbit of light, you have to create the light.


I'm talking about thinking positively.


The amount of power your mind holds over every thing you do is incredible, really. It can influence who you're friends with, what you wear, everything! But if you fill yourself with negative thoughts, everything you do will reflect that. You could be making friends with people who thrive off of misery. You could be wearing frumpy old sweats when you're usually wearing a nice pair of slacks and a polo. All of this can leave you feeling downright miserable. You can even go as far as changing the reality around you. I've seen good friends truly believe that all of their friends are against them, doing anything they can to harm them, when in reality, those friends were just trying to help. These people let the negativity dig so deep into their minds that they couldn't even see how their friends cared about them anymore.


Honestly, I'm having trouble even putting my thoughts into words on the power of your mind. So here's some input from Stay Alive co-founder, Kevin:

the power of your mind is, well, mind blowing. you can literally make anything real with your mind. if you think that you're going to have a bad day, you will. if you think that you're going to have a great day, you will! this is called the law of attraction. whatever you focus on is what will become your reality! you could say "today im going to receive a friendly greeting from a foreigner", and odds are, you will receive a friendly greeting from a foreigner. literally anything you focus on is what will become. so are you a good person? a bad person? is your life horrible? is it wonderful? you get to decide.


But you have the power to change all of that negativity! Just think positively! When you wake up, tell yourself it will be a good day. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you look good. Leave the house believing you will rock the socks off of this day. Say all of that even if you don't fully believe it, because it's at least a start at thinking positively.


You have no idea how many times I've tried helping someone who seemed really down only to be greeted with negativity. I've given examples of things they could do to help themselves feel better (such as the things I listed in the previous paragraph), only to have each suggestion shot down with a negative thought on it. Don't get me wrong, I understand depression and other mental illnesses are just that, illnesses. It's more than just how you think; it's physical. But why not take control of what you can? If you have an imbalance of chemicals in your brain making you feel down, why not try battling that with positive thinking? While positive thinking won't heal that*, it can help you stay away from those lowest lows.



So take control. Embrace the power of positivity.


Stay Alive,
Lindsey


*the main thing needed to help heal depressoin and other mental illnesses is professional help, not the words on my blog

With today being Suicide Awareness Day, I decided I needed to get my butt on this computer and actually write a blog for you guys! (I've really been slacking lately.)

I know there are many of my readers who have dealt with suicide, whether it was through someone they knew or even thinking about/attempting it themselves. For all of you, I want you to realize the word I used in that sentence--many. You are not  alone. You are not the only gone going through this. Let that piece of knowledge help you when you feel like no one will ever understand. People do. There are even people who haven't had those thoughts or experiences that understand. Groups like this one right here exist to help you realize you are and never will be alone.

If you have never been affected by suicide and/or don't know much about it, take the time to educate yourself. Don't let yourself become the ignorant person making jokes about people killing themselves. Believe me, suicide is anything but a joke. And if you already know about it, then you can help raise awareness, too.

I know there isn't much content to this post, but I did talk about it in more detail back in 2010, on my personal blog. I'd like it if you all took the time to head over there and read it (click here for post).

If you didn't head over to my personal blog, here's some websites that can help:
http://www.twloha.com/
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/


So spread the word, everyone. This is a very important issue.
Stay Alive,
Lindsey

The topic I'm writing about today is one I've wanted to write about for a while, but it's still a sensitive subject, so it's been difficult to write. So if I start sounding over emotional or something, bear with me. I hope you all understand.

I am a firm believer in following your gut. For some reason, and I can't tell you if that reason is something physically built in us or from some outside source, but for some reason, your body and/or mind can tell you what you need to do, even when you're telling it you should be doing something else. Recently, my gut was tested. I fought what it told me to do, but when I gave in, I realized it was right.


Back in February, my Granddaddy got sick. He found out his heart was only pumping 20% of what it should be and for that, he was hospitalized. As my family sent me text messages to keep me updated on the situation, my gut started trying to butt in with words I never wanted to give in to—this could be it. I argued with myself for a few days, telling myself it couldn't be it because Granddaddy's way too stubborn. He'd be okay. Well, I quickly lost that battle. I got the courage to ask my sister to tell me when I needed to buy a plane ticket home. I didn't need her to tell me, though. I knew. Somehow, I knew. I decided I was flying home to be with my family. Then there was the question of when? I asked my husband countless times when he thought I should go, but he only told me I needed to decide that. It was more probable to leave Monday, but for some reason, I knew I had to be there Sunday. I knew it was only a day's difference, but I just knew I had to be there then and no later.

So Sunday morning, my husband dropped me and our daughter off at the airport. I made it safely and, after grabbing lunch with my sisters and mom, we headed to the hospital. At the hospital, I knew I made the right decision. And ya know, I will never forget Granddaddy's smile when he realized I was sitting at the end of his bed.

Nothing changed that night. He stayed in the ICU and we all stayed in the waiting room until Daddy herded us all out for Granny and Granddaddy to rest. The next morning, the doctor was supposed to come reevaluate the situation and see what the next course of action would be.

And when that next morning came, it was very clear to me that I was right in choosing to come Sunday. When his doctor came in, Granddaddy told him he was done fighting and was ready for the Lord to bring him home.

We didn't know when it would happen, but now we knew it would. And it became a waiting game that no one wants to play. The family gathered and we spent the next hours visiting Granddaddy (who was then moved out of ICU into a regular room so everyone could see him). As the sun set, we grew more anxious. Would this be it?

After spending the entire day trying to keep everyone else happy, my baby was starting to get fussy. I knew I couldn't keep her in the hospital waiting room all night, she'd never sleep, but I didn't feel right leaving. Eventually, my dad and I convinced my sisters to head to my mom's house for the night. We all needed rest. We were so uneasy, though. After being back for only a little while, my older sister said sorry, she couldn't stay. She had to go back to the hospital.

My younger sister and I tried to ignore the same feeling in our guts and headed to bed. We couldn't sleep. I kept trying to convince her not to leave because, if she did, I'd have no way to get to the hospital the next morning. I wasn't even convinced myself. Then, she got a text message from our dad saying they took Granddaddy off of his medicine (which was the only thing keeping his heart going. Previously when taken off of it, his heart stopped three times.) I don't think I've ever jumped up out of bed so quickly. We ran around getting ready to go. I ran my mom through how to work my daughter's apnea monitor and we were in the car headed back to the hospital.

The immediate family (Granny, Daddy, my aunt, cousin and sister) were gathered around Granddaddy's bed as Granny told stories about him to the hospital's chaplain. We all waited in his room until the hour grew later and later and our heavy eye lids were ignoring our heavy hearts. We each drifted off to sleep, some in his room, some in the waiting room just down the hall.

Granddaddy did make it through that night. Even then, I knew we were right in following our gut instincts and going back. We needed to be there for Granny, for Daddy, for our aunt, for each other. That day, Granddaddy was moved to a hospice center at a different hospital. I think that once that happened, we all felt slightly calmer. After a few days, though, that inner argument came back. At some point I had to go back home. My dad and Granny talked to me, telling me Granddaddy would rather I go back home and do what I needed for my little family than to stay there. As my dad put it, I was there when it mattered the most. So later that week, we flew back.

I woke up that following Sunday and I just knew. I hadn't talked to anyone, but I knew. I still got out of bed. I still went to work. But the whole time, I waited for my phone to ring. Only a few hours passed before it happened. I stopped what I was doing and walked to the bathroom without even checking the caller ID. I didn't need to hear my sister speak to know why she called.



I miss my Granddaddy so much every single day. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be there for his funeral, but I know my dad was right in saying it was more important for me to be there when I was. And my gut knew that, even if I felt like I was wrong.



There is a point to this long story. The point is that even if you're feeling unsure about making a decision, your body knows the answer. Listen to it. Whether it's going to visit a relative in their last days or seeking psychiatric help or what, just listen to your gut. My experience with losing Granddaddy proved that to me more than anything. In case you missed it, here's all the times my gut was right:

-I knew this was it.

-I knew I needed go home.

-I knew I needed to be there before Monday.

-I knew we needed to go back to the hospital.

-I knew Sunday was the day.


So please, don't ignore that little feeling in your gut. It's trying to tell you the right thing even when your brain argues.


Stay Alive,
Lindsey